So this is a typical question that nags just about every person who ever gets involved in a relationship...

He Thinks: "Have I got what it takes to keep her intrested in me for a lifetime?

She Thinks: " I'm so in love with him, I wonder if he feels the same way"

COMMON BREAK UP PROBLEMS REPORTED FOR MEN AND WOMEN

HE SAYS	SHE SAYS
Everything was regarding her feelings.  She made me feel totally controlled	He became so cold and isolated completely detaching from me.  I didn’t feel safe opening up my emotions to him any longer
She becomes extremely emotional and doesn’t make any sense at all	He never listens to what I say he only wants to offer solutions before he’s even heard me
In the beginning she was so responsive and passionate.  Now I feel I have to fill out a form and do a check list before I have sex	He fears intimacy because every time we get closer he would pull away from me and shut me out
She was high maintenance because whatever I did wasn’t ever good enough.  She would always find something wrong with whatever I did	Everything started out fine and then he changed completely
Everything was always about her feelings, she  was too needy and I felt totally controlled	He became so cold, distant and detached.  He was so self centred that eventually he wasn’t even interested in my life or my feelings anymore

RADICAL RESPONSES TO STRESS

MEN	WOMEN
Shift gears, disengage emotionally and forget their problems	Become compelled to connect emotionally, ask questions and share problems by talking

BEING IN LOVE STIMULATES HORMONES IN MEN AND WOMEN THAT LOWERS STRESS LEVELS

ANDRENALIN AND CORTISOL – RED ALERT HORMONES

Adrenalin and cortisol serve an important survival function in life – and-death situations, but the body isn’t designed to accommodate the continual release of stress hormones.  When we are under unrelenting but not life threatening stress, these hormones are still released, and over time they disrupt our digestive and immune systems, resulting in lower energy and susceptibility to illness.  With long-term stress, cortisol and adrenaline create unhealthy fluctuations in our blood sugar levels that can produce:

·         Moodiness

·         Mild depression

·         A sense of urgency

·         Irritability

·         Anxiety

·         General distress

All of these can affect our relationships

Below is a list of how stress affects us and our relationships:

·         Mild depression restricts our passion

·         A sense of urgency takes away our patience and flexibility – there’s nothing worse than when
         our men make us feel like they’re catching a train during sex

·         A sense of distress, anxiety or panic greatly affects our ability to be happy, content and relaxed

·         Irritability overshadows our feelings of affection, appreciation and tenderness

·         Decreased energy limits how much we can freely give of ourselves

·         With unstable blood sugar levels, our moods either become flat or roller coaster too much

·         Men lose interest in the relationship, while women feel overwhelmed with too much to do and
          too little time or support

 If you'd like to learn how to relate better to your man - eliminating stress, evoking more love and emotion - book your seat for The Cunning Linguist

We are writing this article in response to the latest hype around “sexting” and infidelity – when is cheating considered cheating?  In order to empower women who have been deprived by conservative upbringing. 

We wish to encourage women to become emotionally and sexually in touch with themselves and their spouses. 
Sacred Immersion and our partnering Life Coaches believe that by empowering women to enhance their relationships with themselves and their partners this will help to decrease the infidelity rate in South Africa.

In more recent studies, it’s been documented that the infidelity rates are on the alarming increase in South Africa.  We also witness how the divorce courts have challenges keeping up with the amounts of divorce requests piling up daily.

In divorce cases more often than not, the reasons are normally documented as break down of communication and failure to get along with each other. 

Children are being brought up in dysfunctional divorced and broken homes and society is now at a point where 9/10 mothers need to keep down full time and sometimes two jobs to keep afloat with increased inflation.

Pornography is more freely available now on cell phones and these facts all contribute to a broken society with dysfunctional youth with too much time on their hands and not enough stimulation. 

In many cases these bored teenagers turn to sex, drugs and self destructive behaviours, proving to be often deadly, in the quest for some kind of approval and belonging.

Growing up in a home where Shanty witnessed the bad effects of her unfaithful and abusive father, she decided to heal the world one person at a time. 

Shanty who is branded as the “Cunning Linguist”, has studied human behaviour, specifically with married men and women for over a decade.  

She has helped thousands of people re-evaluate and redefine their value’s to develop workable solutions to once again create common ground, respect, trust, communication and intimacy with themselves and their partners.

Shanty is a Tantra Practitioner and Life Coach specialising in healing relationships.  She has made it a priority to heal married men who are dissatisfied sexually in their marriages.

These men access adult sites to solicit the services of working girls.   She has worked closely with 1000’s of men world-wide over the last decade and coached them to take a careful look at how they relate to themselves and the world. 

As a result of the relationship coaching sessions, she has managed to support these married men to pluck up the courage to confide in her, the reasons that they solicit the services of the working girls advertised in the adult industry. 

The common challenges these men are faced with in their personal relationships include:

Ø  A nagging wife who constantly reminds him of his failures

Ø  A wife who refuses to release control which is actually fear driven

Ø  Insecure wife who often falsely, and continuously accuses him of having affairs

Ø  A wife who won’t allow him to feel free to explore her body sexually

Ø  A wife who gives obligatory sex when she feels he has earned the right because of good behaviour from his side

Ø  A wife who is easily angered and always in a bad mood or shouting at the kids

Ø  A wife who makes him feel like a failure and takes pride in humiliating him in front of his friends

Ø  A wife who constantly complains about finances – again making him feel inadequate

Shanty also helps these men take back their power and work on fixing the common misunderstandings and broken communication in their marriages.  Her high success rate has helped these men to connect on a deeper and more intimate level with their wives and fix the sexuality within the marriage.  Through the easy to apply tools, principles and values that she teaches, these men were able to heal their marriages. 

Due to the sensitive nature and confidentiality agreement with clients, Shanty cannot disclose details of these success stories.

In the many years of dealing with clients and the increase of infidelity, Shanty has decided to go public with her work.

As a Co-founder of Sacred Immersion, a life coaching and life enrichment and facilitation organization, she has been branded as “The Cunning Linguist”. 

These public events are carefully created to teach men and women to develop their emotional intelligence, open communication, over-coming fear, fear of rejection and fear of failure. 

It is common knowledge, when men and women feel isolated and rejected or neglected in their personal relationships, the effects have negative impacts and spill over in the form of self destructive behavioural patterns, even at the workplace.  This negatively impacts on their productivity and ability to perform and achieve success.

It is documented and proven, when men and women engage sexually, the body releases endorphins making us happy, relaxed and calm people. 

When men are sexually deprived in their marriages they become frustrated, generally angry and snappy.  When women are emotionally neglected by men, they withdraw sexually and often use sex as a bargaining or blackmailing tool. 

Men trapped in these circumstances will often turn to prostitution for a sense of sexual relief.  They ease their conscience because to them it’s a monetary transaction and a physical act to relieve built up tension and there is no emotional attachment. 

In their minds, they don’t see this as cheating.  However, the guilt and stress related to these random acts have deeper and long term negative psychological effects than meet the eye.

The media has recently published many articles relating to “sexting”.  This is yet another form of men and women seeking to fulfil their emotional needs that are being neglected by their spouses.  Due to arguments arising when the topics are confronted, they’ll rather resort to secretive outside stimulation while hoping not to get caught.  When men and women engage in online flirtatious “sexting” they don’t see this as having an affair either, because in their minds, there is no physical sex happening.  The addiction to “sexting” is the flirtatious interaction and the great feeling of being noticed.  Let’s face facts – these people are able to flirt with strangers and often release their inhibitions easier by sending pics of their genitals without being reminded of what failures they are.  The turn-on is in knowing that they’re able to seduce and have sexual effects on a stranger by pure written communication.  This often boosts their confidence levels and makes them feel great.

It’s time for ladies to take a proactive stand in their marriages by stepping up to the plate, educating themselves while developing a healthy self esteem, emotional intelligence and working on sexual vitality.  For far too long society has felt sorry for women who make it public that their spouses have cheated.  It is time ladies learn how to take charge, accelerate their relationships and become successful spouses.

In more recent years the buzz word Life Coach has become an integral part of people’s development.  Every person needs mentor’s and life coaches who have skills and expertise in areas where you feel you are lacking, standing still or feeling stuck.

Couples who identify key areas where they are lacking in their relationships can seek out the services of professional relationship coaches to help them develop those key areas of their lives.

Shanty provides Relationship Coaching
 

Written by Shanty “The Cunning Linguist” and Co-Founder – Sacred Immersion